Oh I just looked at some photos of Autumn with her hair, it made me cry! I sort of feel as though she has been robbed of her 4th year of life and if I think about it too much, it makes me really frustrated even though there isn’t a thing I can do about it. Of course while I am sitting here writing this, she is dancing in the background, wiggling her bottom and acting as silly as a four-year old can be! Who am I to judge? Perhaps since she doesn’t know any better, she cannot obsess about it not being what it should be.

We met a very sweet lady named Patt yesterday while in Trader Joe’s. She came right up to Autumn to tell her a bit about her own battle with cancer over thirty years ago when she was only 18. The doctors told her she had 6 months to live but she is alive and doing very well today! We went to Mexico to try an experimental drug at the time (not sure what that was) and returned cured! She told Autumn that she lost all of her hair too and not to worry, it all comes back! Again, it’s the way we are with one another in these trying times, why aren’t we always like this??? Autumn loves the love everyone has shown her, it is truly amazing.

Autumn had another great day! We had to visit the hospital, the local one, which was a fairly painless process this time around. The blood draw was an attempt to determine the potential need for yet another transfusion. She narrowly escaped!

Hemo-6.7 (but didn’t change from Tues, perhaps going up!)
Platelets - 34K (need to be 75K for next chemo round)
WBC - 1.1

Hopefully we will have a great weekend! We are headed to LA to visit Adam, Alma and Camila, so sweet she is! My girls just love seeing their cousin; she’s like a little doll to them.

Autumn’s quote of the day:
“You have to get all of the “means” out, and then you won’t have any mean left”. Mean referring of course to “meanness”…not a bad idea! After a long discussion regarding “bad people”, Sage had said earlier that everyone has a little bad in them, and this was Autumn’s clever response.

Autumn had a pretty good day yesterday minus the trip to the hospital! She was so bummed to learn that we had to go, even for a blood draw!

I remember how much that used to scare me, a poke in the arm, the thought of a needle. It’s enough to keep any kid awake for hours the night before in terrible anticipation. Autumn has to deal with that EVERY week, sometimes everyday within that week, ugh! She isn’t old enough to understand that she only has 10 more weeks of this stuff, she must think it is her new life and nothing less.

My father had diabetes from about the age of 16. He had to give himself insulin injections twice a day, every day, for the rest of his life. When I was little I thought that was so scary, such a hard thing to do forever for anyone. I thought to myself, “If I have diabetes one day, I too will have to do what my father does, everyday. I wasn’t sure I could have handled that as a child, it seemed so daunting.” I can’t forget those feelings, those emotions, because I know that Autumn is sensing that every day and may not always know how to express herself. She has a tendency to get wildly frustrated at the drop of a hat with those most near to her heart which can be so difficult for any of us. Sage and Lindsey can become very aggravated with her which makes matters worse, but they just don’t have the skills to deal with what is happening (I talk as if I do!).

I went to a meditation group last night and all I can say is that it was very calming. It is something that I have never really spent a whole lot of time focusing on, but it seems that those who do really benefit from what is has to offer. Raising kids is never easy as any of us know, but sometimes I just don’t feel as though I know what I can do to ameliorate particular reactions to stressful moments. Perhaps in meditation I can find a level of peace that will allow me to move along a path of lesser resistance, to find tranquility in trying times, perhaps…

“I like laughing,” exclaimed Autumn this morning, “it takes all the yucky away!”
It could not have been better stated, I love that little brain of hers!


Autumn and her friend Kiki were staring at “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt, one of my most favorite paintings. It was sort of an old, crummy copy, but there is hangs on the sullied wall in the small fish-bowl room at the Kreuzberg coffee lounge in SLO. The girls were giggling in amusement as they lay side by side on the soft pillows down below. “Why is the girl sitting so close to the edge?” one of them asked. To them, it seemed the girl in the painting would fall off the edge of the cliff she appeared to be balancing on while kissing the boy. It grabbed their attention for a good 3-4 minutes, quite a long time for a couple of 4 and 5 year olds!

We have a fabulous weekend! Autumn, Lindsey and Sage had a sleepover at Nanie and grandpa’s house as they do every other weekend. I am so thankful to have them close; it has made the many transitions in our lives in the past year a lot less stressful.

Autumn has been feeling so well, I am ecstatic! I wasn’t sure how this recovery would go since the last one was so tough for her. It just goes to show you that you cannot really anticipate each week, it has been across the board!

My Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet teamed up this weekend in Chicago to have a garage sale fundraiser for Autumn, how sweet of them! Thank you Murphy’s and everyone else involved!!

Grandpa Ken & Nanie worked so hard sell so many of those orange bracelets that I have seen so many people wearing! The money that was donated was placed into her college account, what a treat (as any of who had to pay for college on their own knows!) that will be for her later on!


We wanted to mention the names of those who were so generous in donating their time and resources to helping SLO Fest to get bigger & better:

Doug Groshart Gannon Tidwell
Jason Fuller
Rope Eddy
Gary & Tom Caesar
Photographer Brian Long
Jeannine Palmer
Frank Sherfey
Brian Hanley
Tim Norian
Madison & Tucker Tracewell
Jackson Shaw
The JD Project
Truth About Seafood
BGA Productions
Kip Stork
Rocky Logue
Jody & Myles McCormick
Tad & Kim Edwards
Molly Tuttle
Mothers Tavern

All of our family members who helped in any way they could We also wanted to publicly thank all of those who made generous donations to Autumn:

Castle Rock Vineyards
Anthony Vineyards
Garza Contracting
Pacific Irrigation
GT Financial
Tracey Chance CPPI, Inc
Dan Drake Enterprises, LLC
Jims Supply Co., Inc.
Berchtold Equipment
Co. Kern Machinery
Hub International & the Caesar Family
Wallace Group
Prime Time
J.Belsher Creative
James Strachan
Rope & Vin Eddy
Timothy Norian
Chad & Stephanie Dempsey
Roger and Kulli Newton
Eric Bowman
Joseph Danna
Joelle Orton-Cartnal
Alfred Trudeau
Lisa Gonzalez
Teresa Campbell
Sarah Maggelet
Edward Maloney
Malea Rose Walker
Jason Bell
Jane SugstadBrian
Victoria Hanley
Max Flaming
Julia and Kevin Bricklin
Tim & Kathy Prestage
Peter & Raquel Ritt
Gannon Tidwell


All of this generosity has allowed for us to live a little more peacefully, it has allowed for Autumn to have some of those small pleasures in life! We cannot thank all of you enough for taking her into your hearts and loving her sweet little amazing self!!!

Autumn was so excited to have her friend Rozie over for a playdate!! She has been missing friends terribly and I have been trying so hard to make sure she doesn't get sick, or even possibly infected by anyone, tortuous for a mom, for any parent!

Uncle Bob is having a garage sale this weekend with friends for Autumn, how thoughtful and kind!!!

This is Personal.....A Benefit Sale for Our Grandniece ..... Autumn ....
Saturday 9-24-11
9:00 AM to 1:00 PM
A Multi-Family Sale at the Home of the Murphys
1019 Wisconsin Ave
Oak Park, IL 60304
708-383-2245