Monday, January 16, 2012

“Look mommy, it’s my hair” Autumn shouted as she bounced out of bed this morning. “Her hair?” I thought, she must have had a dream and an image of long hair was still lingering in her head. “It’s over there, hanging on the corner of the bed, just next to a big soft pillow her sister uses to block out sunlight”. I was able to see what had her so excited, it was a long beige headband that Sage had made for her this weekend and she was happy to see it this morning, delighted that it was the first thing her sweet brown eyes had had the pleasure to detect. I thought she might run over and put it on, instead she just allowed it to hang there as another memory that will surely one day join many others in a big box that I can imagine will be stored for future recall when necessary. I envision Autumn in her twenties looking into this box of belongings that were part of her life as a young girl. What will she be thinking, what memories will she even maintain after so many years, will it help in any way?

This past week has been nothing less than blissful. It is almost impossible to imagine that Autumn has made it this far so gracefully. It is even more amazing to think that we have no scheduled trips to SB anytime soon, not for another month I cannot tell you how free that makes me feel, I can only imagine it from her perspective! The oncologist mentioned that this time period can be much more difficult than active chemotherapy because during that time something is being done, cancer is being treated and there is a sense of control. Human beings don’t work very well in a state of groundlessness and I have been no exception. Kids seem to handle this state much better than their older (and supposedly “wiser”) counterparts which makes this situation a whole lot easier to deal with.

This week Autumn is going to try swim lessons since she loves to swim but hasn’t quite made it across the pool without holding on. She has been asking about them for sometime as summer draws ever closer, I want to make it a priority for her. I am so looking forward to the possibilities of this coming year, with the perspective of 2011, it should be easy to appreciate even the smallest of miracles!

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