Wednesday, November 30, 2011

What a day! Disneyland is much as I remembered it as a little girl but a lot has changed over the course of 30 years. The girls had a great time although sprinkled with small disasters such as Autumn totally loosing it at the gift shop in front of “It’s a small world” because she didn’t get a toy that she suddenly became obsessed with. That trauma lasted well over an hour and made all of us involved feel terrible! Nothing like telling a little girl with cancer no and having her scream and cry about it, with her little bald head at Disneyland…I must have looked like a unforgiving, unloving mother, it was no fun.  It is so hard, but I have learned from other parents that it is too easy to give in due to circumstance, however when all is said and done, one may be left with a child that cannot ever take ‘no’ for an answer and the discipline has to start all over again. Autumn has so much love and receives so many gifts that she is in no danger of having too little, but the guilt still lingers, why is that??

We had a letter from the doctor’s office that allowed us to obtain a pass at City Hall which meant we could go through the exit to jump in line instead of waiting each time, what a treat! The lines were very short in most cases, so it was hardly an issue, but it helped with reducing the amount of people with whom we had to come in contact. Before and after each and every ride I diligently wiped down all parts that may come into contact with Autumn’s skin, then wiped her hands bother before and after. She grew tired of that pretty quickly and it appeared as though I was an OCD mom that just wouldn’t give it up.

We just made it back a moment ago and I feel exhausted! The drive at night was easy due to a lack of traffic, but difficult since the freeway was covered in thick, relenting fog punctuated by moments of clear, dark night, much like the last 10 months of our lives. I had a lot of quiet time (another great reason to drive at night!) to reflect on this past year and what changes have been brought to our family. Perhaps there is a reason that people have to endure particular events, we may never know why, but it makes me feel better to think so. We had a lot of looks, stares and interest from all sorts of strangers. I wonder what that attention does to a little one and her siblings and how that shapes their childhood.

I felt the urge to consume one tablet of no doz for the long journey must have worked because I am still awake and it's 2am!!

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