Sunday, October 16, 2011

Autumn had a great weekend! She had so much energy we hardly knew what to do with her! This is a kid that just lives her life without letting anything get in her way and I love her for it. It makes this whole process easier to endure and a lot less painful to accept. She was so active last night when the girls were trying to fall asleep that Sage announced “Autumn is nocturnal!”.

This week and next are very mellow on the scale of chemo, if I may be so bold as to actually write “mellow” and “chemo” in the same sentence, quite the oxymoron! We will drive to SB the next two Thursdays for a “push” of Vinchristine. It literally takes less than a half an hour once we are there. We can then spend a bit of time exploring in SB which will be a nice change indeed. The owner of Blenders had generously given Autumn a gift card to use while we were there however we haven’t yet been able to use it because when we are there, we are always in the hospital!

I keep obsessing about her last chemo date, it’s ridiculous really because it is what it is and it will take the time it takes to get there however some days I will go over her schedule what feels like 100 times only to drive myself crazy…ugh! Patience. I have none naturally and have been forcing myself to learn its wisdom and virtuosity! We had a trip planned to Costa Rica last summer that I was able to change to the end of December (Autumn’s original end date was October 31). AeroMexico were not very easy to deal with and they told me the only way I could possibly change my ticket was to drive to LAX and beg, so the girls and I jumped in the car 6 months ago and made that happen. I guess I’m going to try again and hope they take pity on us because we could really use an escape and there is nothing better than a vacation!!

I sense that the path that lies ahead of us will bring insight far beyond what we could ever expect to know or could even understand from our current vantage point. We can all look back in our lives and see the many places we have been and how we have all changed during the inevitable valleys and peaks along that course in our lives. This path, Autumn’s cancer, has made me realize just how short and unpredictable life is. When I feel myself getting frustrated with a situation I think about her and all she has already had to endure as a four year old and it calms me in a way nothing else could. I remember being a bit nervous about having a third child and all that it may entail but when I look at her I understand ever reason I did.

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